Borrowed Earth



At the bathroom mirror
of a rented casita
somewhere in Flagstaff,
I discover
half the desert
came home with me.

Red dust
gathers along my collar,
settles into the seams
of my brown canvas backpack,
which used to be cream-colored,
and fills the tiny crease
above my sock line
where the trail
outsmarted me.

When I untie my boots,
sand pours
onto ceramic tile
in two soft cones.

The room suddenly feels
like a painting,
“Composition of Woman
and Borrowed Earth.”

Juniper pollen
clings to the cuffs
of my sleeves.

There’s grit
beneath my fingernails,
iron-rich and stubborn,
the color of old brick
after rain.

OPI might name it
Jazz Hands In the Desert.

I touch my scalp
and feel dust there too,
worked deep into my hair
through wind,
sweat,
sunlight,
and twelve miles
of canyon trail.

Good.

Today earned its right
to linger a little longer.

Some people
spend all day
trying not to stain themselves.

I understand the instinct.

There are white couches.
Important emails.
Polished shoes.
Entire industries
built around remaining untouched.

But somewhere between
mile four
and the moment
I sat directly on a warm rock
without checking
for dust,
my body remembered
something older
than neatness.

Children know it first.

Mud puddles.
Finger paint.
Grass stains.

At one point
I crouched low
to photograph
a cluster of desert marigolds
forcing themselves
through fractured stone.

When I stood again,
one palm carried sap,
and a line of sweat
ran slowly
from my neck
down the center
of my spine.

Perfect.

By late afternoon,
my shoulders glowed pink,
my lips tasted faintly
of salt and sunscreen,
and every object
inside my backpack
had acquired
the thin orange film
of Arizona.

Even the map.

Especially the map.

I ate trail mix
with dusty fingers
and decided
the extra crunch
only improved it.

Somewhere near the ridge,
a woman passing me said,
“Beautiful day.”

Then both of us
kept walking
without needing
to improve
upon the sentence.

There's nothing important
to say
out there.
Beauty speaks
and we simply listen.

And feel.
And I'm convinced—

The body experiences
some landscapes
on a cellular level.

Scientists eventually
gave the phenomenon
a long Latin name
after discovering
certain microorganisms
in the soil
can calm the nervous system.

Mycobacterium vaccae.
But I think we should call it
thereasonpeoplecry
when kneeling in the dirt.

Meanwhile,
every child
who ever came home
with muddy shoes
was already conducting
the experiment.

Back at the casita,
the sink runs briefly
orange-brown
when I wash my hands.

Dust circles the drain.

I pull one sock
inside out
and enough sand falls free
to start a small dune
beside the bathmat.

I hope my Airbnb rating
doesn't take a hit.

The shower waits.

Still,
I linger a moment longer
in the mirror,
sun-tired,
windblown,
grinning slightly
at the woman
standing there
with desert
still gathered
in every visible place.

Tonight,
Arizona leaves slowly.

One grain at a time.

—Iris Lennox