Tag: Trust

  • Languidity


    This red shelf
    was a frame

    and now it's a stage
    upon which I stand
    alongside the kind of beauty
    usually reserved for dreams.

    To gaze upon
    is different than
    to stand upon
    so I suddenly feel the
    weight of my own
    inadequacy to speak.

    Vibrant beauty steals the voice.

    Perhaps that's why
    our mouths naturally open
    in the midst of awe.

    The desert speaks for me.

    "Sit down, city girl.
    I'll take it from here."

    And so I do.

    Daypack on dirt.
    Dust on denim.
    Knees bent below me
    like a student
    poised to receive.

    The lesson will be shown.

    First
    by what bends.

    Just north of the wash
    where blue grama,
    needle grass,
    and rabbitbrush
    catch the last light
    before the canyon
    yawns and stretches
    into the stars,

    thousands of stems
    lean west

    all at once.

    Then east.

    Then halfway back,
    seed heads suspended
    between pull
    and release.

    A gust slips down
    through juniper,
    over shale,
    between ocotillo thorns,

    and the grasses

    begin again.

    Is it a dance?
    A conversation?

    Slow.

    Loose-hipped.

    Unashamed.

    They dance
    with the sky
    like old lovers
    who no longer
    need music.

    Only then
    do I notice

    who has been
    watching
    all along.
    I'm not the only audience
    here.

    I'm no audience at all.

    Nothing here is done
    for me. I'm more like a
    stow-away. But—

    Sandstone
    watches
    keeping its spine.

    Basalt
    keeps its counsel.

    A saguaro
    holds both arms
    where it left them
    the year I was born,
    suspending the final
    clap.

    From a distance
    it looks
    like contrast.

    Up close,

    it looks
    more like trust.

    One body
    bending.

    One body
    witnessing.

    One learning
    through motion.

    One learning
    through stillness.

    And the wind,
    passing through them all,

    enjoying the secrets
    each one keeps—
    the loyal wind knows
    and withholds the details.

    So I sit here,
    dusty
    studying the grasses' sway

    while cactus,
    juniper,
    and cliff face

    watch.

    Where does this movement
    exist
    outside this valley?

    Where
    else does yielding
    carry this much strength?

    In kelp forests
    thirty feet below
    where sunlight cascades
    and breaks?

    In the chest
    of a sleeping child
    who trusts her blanket
    to stand guard?

    In the cottonwood,
    the heron,
    the mare,
    the marriage,
    the woman

    who has learned
    to stop fighting
    every fall,
    to stop tightening
    at every pull,
    to stop mistaking
    the giving of weight
    for the losing of self.

    Perhaps languidity
    has been here all along.

    In muscle.

    In memory.

    In old roots
    and older love.

    In anything
    that has learned

    when to lean.

    —Iris Lennox
  • Trust


    Somewhere between Flagstaff and the desert.
    I pull over
    and shut the door behind me.

    The road is empty, so
    naturally
    I walk to the center
    and stand on the line.

    Silence
    but for the tapping of the cooling engine
    and the sound of waves—
    or maybe wind—
    blowing through pine needles.

    Yellow lines under my feet—
    broken,
    then whole,
    then broken again,
    each piece looks like it's racing
    but I know better:
    resting.

    Ahead,
    the road lifts.

    Not much—
    just enough
    to take the next stretch
    out of view.

    Driving,
    you don't notice
    how pretty the variation of
    black, gray, and blue
    after years of repaving.

    You just keep going.

    Inside the car you
    are listening, or talking, or thinking . . .
    anticipating,
    over the hill,
    onto the next stretch
    already laid out.

    Standing here,
    the journey slows
    then
    stops.

    Everything here knows one another
    and all is stable, but the wind
    and the clouds
    and the sun and moon and stars—
    but the road.

    Each yellow line serves a purpose
    to guide
    to rightly divide . . .
    but also to watch
    to remember
    to enjoy?

    It occurs to me in the middle of the road:

    Trust in the Lord
    with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make
    straight
    your paths.

    No matter how fast
    or slow
    I move, God.

    The road is the road.

    The adventure—
    where I go—
    is up to You.

    —Iris Lennox
    literary pen name of Jill Szoo Wilson

    Proverbs 3:5–6